they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
