What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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