omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
