i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
