I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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