i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
