theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
