So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
