I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
