i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
