I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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