You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
