Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's the barista slut.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
