Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
