She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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