I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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