he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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