never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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