Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize