I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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