Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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