so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i came on her dog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize