remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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