he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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