this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
