just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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