Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
