just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize