we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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