ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
