I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i've created a new STD.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
