YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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