Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
