my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
