If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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