I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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