Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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