If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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