fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
