you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
