Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
