nut hugger
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize