remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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