i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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