how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
