I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
