I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
