i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
