i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
