Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
