y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
