He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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