She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
