I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
