i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
