Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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