Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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