Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
