Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
