I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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