took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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