i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
