Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
this is an emotional support booty call
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
