I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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