life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
