so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
