Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."

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(606): View more from Kentucky

A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...

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(913): View more from Kansas

He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate

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(562): View more from California

I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.

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(316): View more from Kansas

You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome

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