she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
