Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
