chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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