my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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