Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
