Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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