Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
