I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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