Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
