Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
