oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
