Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
