I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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