Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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