I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
