wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
