Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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