So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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