i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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