Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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