When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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