Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
