You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
