I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
