yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize