Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Someone shit on the floor
no, he came in my armpit
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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