...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize