I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
