I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just had sex bonerless
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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