i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
