You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize