I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
