This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
