Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
