I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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