Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
