That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
