i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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