a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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