Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
