great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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