Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
A+ Viking dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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