i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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